Tough Times

You may remember last July when I passed a big ol’ kidney stone when I was 32 weeks pregnant.  One of the least fun things I have ever done.

Well, guess what?? A new kidney stone! And boy is it ever a doozy. 12 mm x 9 mm.  Let’s put it this way: at my last kidney stone xray (August 2011) I had a 6 mm stone that the doctor said would never pass.  So . . . this one is pretty much double the size. That being said, at that last xray, I had three stones to pass. This big ol Frankenstone is the last one. Woo hoo!

Long story short, I woke up in pain last night, spent all night up and was nauseated (that was new for this stone) and the meds I had really didn’t work. Yikes.  So I powered through and had a doctor appointment made for this morning.

The doctor gave me my pain meds as a shot in the butt (also new for this stone) and sent me to the ER.  So I spent my day in the ER as my mom stayed with Miss Lily (who was awesome – thank heavens!).  I had to be closely monitored as my heart rate consistently was dropping and they thought I might have an infection.  The CT scan showed that big ol stone and I was told I had to have it blasted.  I was told that when it was a 6 mm stone, but I became pregnant and obviously, that was out of the question.

The doctor told me that I couldn’t get the laser blasting surgery procedure until November 13th – 11 days away.  And then I cried. And cried and cried.  I couldn’t imagine dealing with this pain for 11 more days.  No way.  Poor guy.  Then they told me with the meds I couldn’t breastfeed Lily.  Anyone who has talked to me about feeding Lily has heard my lament about losing my supply with Luke and supplementing when he was two days old.  I was so SO determined to nurse for as long as I could with Lily and really establish my supply.  How determined? I have almost 150 oz. of frozen breastmilk, saved to supplement if I can’t pump enough at work.  At least, that was the plan.

Well, my stash is going to take a hit, since I can’t nurse Lily for almost a week.  I cried.  Poor doctor. I don’t think he was expecting the waterworks.  But it was so heartbreaking.  And that’s why I’m blogging all this . . . I’m still trying to sort out my feelings in all this.  I’m so glad that I have a stash to keep Lily fed until I can feed her again after all the meds are out of my system.  I’m glad that I cried enough for them to squeeze me into a surgery date of next Tuesday, November 6th. I am miserable about losing my time with her . . . I’m going to avoid feeding her a bottle for as long as possible to keep her associating me with bottles.  I am heartbroken that I won’t get that snuggle time that I love in the middle of the night. 

So now I’m determined to pump to keep my supply up.  Except that I have to dump it. I have to dump it all.  *sigh*  I pumped at the hospital.  I dumped 10 oz and cried.  The nursing staff didn’t know what to do with me either.  I did end up renting a hospital pump, which is higher quality and will hopefully keep my production up. 

But I do love that my boys are taking care of my sweet Miss Lily.

And to make me laugh (and maybe you, too) after that depressing post . . .

A Luke Photo-Bomb!